Thank you!!
I'm pretty damn proud of myself. Sometimes I felt like just giving up & letting the other woman do the competition. But that would be going back to my old ways of not pushing myself to do something that I will later enjoy. I am so competitive with myself; I know this will be enjoyable for me.
I just want to place!
In other news, I was talking to my mom last night, telling her that my stomach is nearly flat now (aside from some loose skin that should tighten up in a while)... and that I noticed yesterday when I was washing my hands in the bathroom at work, you could see my muscles moving around in my upper & lower arms, and that was so cool. Know what my mom said? "Be careful! You don't want to fall in love with yourself!"
I told her that I thought it was really cool that I could control my body and see how it reacts to the different things I eat & workouts I do. And that seeing my muscles in the mirror was a novelty. She didn't really respond to my comments but I could tell that she disapproves.
It's no wonder I've spent my entire life feeling bad about myself. I've been taught my whole life that feeling good about myself (either via personal accomplishments or physical appearance) is a negative, self-absorbed emotion that is wrong.
I was mad after I got off the phone, but also cognizant of where I learned a lot of my self-doubt and negativity. It felt good to be able to separate myself from her comments and recognize that what she said has nothing to do with me. Grr.