[Sign]

That's it, I am throwing in the towel. I officially give up on being happy. No matter what I do, no matter how much I try, no matter how close to getting outta this fucking pit I get something comes and shoves me back down the side.

One thing after another, for as long as I can remember. I get knocked down, I tell myself to get back up, "Everyone has hard times, you just have to fight through it." and I do. I get back on my feet and keep reaching for that little bright spot in the distance and something else happens. In the past two years I have been through a layoff, unemployment for 9 months with no EI because the gov'n are fucking asshats, sunk into massive debt because of it but I pulled myself up, I got back to my feet and got a couple jobs. Slowly starting to build back my life, my self-image, and try to be happy. Just as things are going good, I am starting to re-set long term goals, picturing a happy life my GF of 8 years leaves me for some douchebag.

Back into that pit of despair I go, but again, I try to put it behind me. "I have to move on!" I tell myself repeatedly and it begins to take hold, I grab my life back and try to turn things around, and once again, when I start to feel a glimmer; an inkling of happiness some motherfucker steals my $500 bicycle from the college while I am working.

So I officially give up, I am tired of trying, I am broken mentally, physically, and any other way possible. I don't see the point anymore. I might as well accept it that I am not going to have anything more then fleeting moments of happiness amid constant darkness, disappointment, and anger.

I am so goddamn angry, hurt, sad, depressed, right now. Emotions are coming over me in waves, changing rapidly. I want to scream, cry, punch a hole in a wall (or someone's head) all at the same time. I can't even think straight right now, I can feel my pulse pounding. I cannot recall the last time I haven't felt like shit, I haven't simply dreaded the next thing that was going to be dumped on me. It seems the only thing I have to look forward to in this life is more pain.

I better stop this now, it is just making me angrier. I just want to add this one last thing. I was raised catholic, I was taught about God and his "Divine Plan for us all" so with that in mind I would just like to say....






FUCK YOU GOD!
TAKE YOUR DIVINE PLAN AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!