This last week, my ex and I were talking. In the conversation, I asked her whether I should shave my head (I'm considering it). When I'd had very short hair, in the past, she would call it my mean hair. Said I looked mean, so she didn't want me to do it. This time, she said to go for it. Obviously, being the ex, it means she doesn't have to see the mean hair, but she said that that's not it. Apparently I just scowled a lot in the past and the shorter the hair the more obvious the scowl. She said I don't scowl anymore.
I do remember that feeling, which has been long gone. When I think back to those days, I'm reminded that I was fat back then, too. Not fat and happy. Fat and sad. Sad about all sorts of things, but I always remember thinking that I would be happy if I just wasn't fat. A sandwich would make me feel better, though...
This week, I've also talked to a friend of mine about this. We compared stories and we both came to the conclusion that the desire to fix our bodies to make ourselves happy always failed. Always. You might do better for a little while, but things mount up and you can't sustain your progress. Too many reasons to quit, so you do.
We both noticed, in retrospect, that the decision to be happy (with ourselves, with our lives, with our bodies, etc.) was the secret our fitness success.
I clearly remember the day that I decided to he happy. It was a conscious decision. In fact, I firmly believe that we can trick ourselves into being happy, just by acting happy. Granted, if you've got issues, get help, but still be and act happy.
We can probably all relate to the vicious circle that occurs when we are sad. Sad lets us wallow. Sad justifies overeating. Sad lets us feel better about skipping the workout to watch some rerun on tv. Sad means that the eating the whole ice cream container is reasonable. Sad can lead to fat. We all get that. And, of course, if we just weren't fat, we'd be happy? Nonsense.
So, try to reverse the vicious circle. Try to be happy and you will be happy, eventually. Stick with it. At the worst, being happy inspires and influences those around you. You want them to be happy, right? Be happy yourself, and spread it around. It will come back to you and help your own mood. Another reverse vicious circle, right there.
The "jolly fat man" is a myth, by and large. There may be some exceptions, but thin people know he's using "jolly" as a cover. He's kidding himself at best. But, get yourself happy and you'll be on the road that you want to be on. Your own little reverse vicious circle.
It's still not all easy. It took me many happy months of counting calories to lose the weight, but I did it. And, you know what? I was hungry, but it WAS easy. I wasn't fighting binges and cravings like I had in every previous diet. But, the diet was no different. No magic. I just wanted it, that time. Still do because I'm still happy.
I remember my calorieking.com days, where I would get messages asking me the secret to "not binging." I had the rep for no binges, I guess. I didn't know what to tell people. I didn't know why. I just didn't binge. Now, I know why. I had decided to be happy.
Here are a couple of thoughts that don't exactly fit in the flow, above.
Dennis Prager
Dennis Prager is the author of
Happiness is a Serious Problem. I got my copy at the bookstore. Amazon works, too.
Full disclosure. Dennis is also a somewhat conservative talk show host. Not conservative like your typical conservative talk show host. And, by and large he talks about people issues, not politics. But, he was one key to my decision to being happy. You can download his podcasts at townhall.com. Every Friday, he has a "happiness hour" where he talks about he importance of being and acting happy, for your own sake and the sake of those around you. It's your responsibility.
It's an excellent book.
Depression Medication
Why do people who go on depression meds gain weight? I'm not sure doctors know. My doctor's theory is that depressed people don't usually eat. The wallow. They get better and suddenly they aren't wallowing anymore. Food looks good again. They eat.
Apparently, his fat patients don't gain weight on the meds, but usually they take the meds and then stick to their diet and exercise plans better than before the meds. Paraphrasing, of course.
If you're depressed, you'll have to decide for yourself. I think you get better and then use your new found mental state to be happy and focused on how you can make yourself better.
Will newly awakened taste buds make it more of a challenge? Inconclusive. I think happiness and the desire to succeed trumps the taste buds. Dieting is hard, either way. But, while you may be wishing you could eat the delicious foods, you're also less likely to blow it on a sadness induced binge. Does that even things out?
Happy vs. happy
Be a Happy person, but don't sweat the times when you will still be sad. There are still good reasons to be sad. Even Happy people go to funerals and cry. They just recover and go back to being happy, just sad about the loss. There's a difference. I like to use upper and lower case "H" when I describe the mentality vs the current mood. Yes, even in my head...
Googling "fat and happy."
If you google "fat and happy," you get a bunch of crap. It includes sites that tell you that you can remain fat (and happy) and stay healthy. Perhaps this is true. Personally, I think it's a justification. You may be healthy and fat. Good blood profile, etc. But, you're telling me that you actually WANT to be fat? No? Then why did you click on that link? Move on.
If you're contributing to a philosophy that justifying staying fat and being healthy, you have happiness issues. I notice that you're also contributing attempts to lobby governments to legislate how we treat fat people. Get yourself happy and move on from that website. You're only kidding yourself.