[gregl515]

I am in a reflective mood today. I am trying to figure out why we hang onto our fat like grim death. What does it mean to us? What is it hiding? What is it insulating?

Some people are healthy and fat, but most of us aren't. If you are healthy and fat, great! You can choose whether you want to be fat based on aesthetics or on what you want your body to do for you.

Fat hurts most of us. In my case, it made me susceptible to Type II diabetes and eventually made me open to a staph infection. The staph infection was of a type that entered through the development of a cyst on my neck and eventually cost me my lower right leg.

The question is, why did I hang onto this fat? Why did I still hang onto this fat after I developed type II diabetes with all its lovely complications? Sure, diabetes and the medications make it harder to lose weight. But they don't make it impossible and plenty of people lose the weight and then lose the symptoms of type II if they maintain the weight loss, good diet and an exercise program. But I was one that chose to maintain my fat. Why?

It has certainly put a strain on my marriage. It has undoubtedly affected my professional life. It has ruined my concept of me. It took my leg. Why is it something I hang on to.

I am looking for the answers. Obviously it has been more important than my health, my marriage, my professional life and my personal life. It must be something pretty important. I think that I need to figure out what is so important to me about being fat before I am ever going to permanently defeat it.

That doesn't mean that I'm not going to try to lose weight. I have already fought my blood pressure and blood sugar down, but I need to lose weight and get rid of all the medication.

It's a little harder now without my leg, but I need to do it. If only to save my remaining leg.

Just my thoughts about being fat.