[gardener]

Looking up “Dieter’s Prayer” on Google, quite a number of books and articles show up that deal with the efficacy of prayer in reducing obesity. I have my doubts, but anyway, what I was trying to find was not nutritional theology, but the lyrics to a wonderful song written by the cabaret artist Amanda McBroom and sung in her album “Live from Rainbow and Stars.” (Get it!) I did find the lyrics and here they are.

Dieter's Prayer #5
Lord, won't you help me?
It's that time of year.
Winter has come and gone.
Springtime is here.
In this season of flesh,
Won't you show that you care?
Lord, won't you heed
This dieter's prayer.

Teach me tonight
To love cottage cheese,
Grapefruit and celery,
Lord, if you please.
Make me believe
That tofu's a food,
And not something you made up
When you were in a bad mood.

Lord, won't you help me?
Show that you care.

Lord, won't you heed
This dieter's prayer.
Make me believe
That ice cream's just awful,
That the devil is hiding
Inside every waffle.
That mayonnaise is nothing
But a communist plot.
That broccoli is good for you
And chocolate is not.

Keep me away
From the refrigerator door
When life is a trial
And love is a bore.
Save me from nachos,
And tacos and chips,
For what goes in my mouth
Always lands on my hips.

Oh, pizza, oh pasta,
Oh, popcorn, oh, pork!
Get thee behind me
Oh, knife and oh, fork.
And chicken fried steak
From the deepest of south...

Oh, Lord, if you love me,
Won't you please shut my mouth?

Oh, Lord, do you hear me?
Honk if you're there.
Lord, won't you heed...
You know my need...
Oh, Lord, won't you heed
This dieter's prayer?

Amanda McBroom